Don't end up like me. After negativ u gave oral result from the tests, move on and go to the gym etc. Dont tell your GF. LightOfWorld , Oct 25, Wabi-sabi , Oct 25, I remember how much of a high it was before my encounter and then the complete sense of emptiness afterwards. For over a week after the encounter I had major anxiety that felt like a really bad comedown. You're right I do need to forgive myself. As a very self critical person it will be hard but I have to be strong and overcome this, otherwise it will completely destroy me I definitely need to forgive myself for watching porn.
The funny thing is I gave up porn a couple of years ago for over three months and then slipped up. This time I will forgive myself and never go back. Porn seems like a bad enemy to me at the moment. I have been listening to a lot of positive affirmations and binaural beats I found on youtube to try to calm my thoughts down. Been trying guided meditation as well although this is quite hard to get the hang of at first.
I hope the negative thoughts go soon. I just want to feel like I was before all this happened. The team at the hospital who were looking out for me set me up with a psychologist. I know I have a lot of issues so hopefully talking to the psychologist will help, but I would also like to be more spiritual and get away from all this darkness.
If it was a one night stand with a girl I met drunk at the bar I would most probably tell her. This is something different, something I feel came from some illness.
Something that has taken me to the point of attempting suicide. I would rather not know what happened let alone anyone else. If there was a procedure like the one in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I'd get rid of this memory over anything else that has happened in my life.
Thanks a lot for all your advice Wabi-sabi, this post has really helped. I've had a lot of suicidal thoughts in the past couple of hours and put a plastic bag over my head to the point where I almost passed out. I also bought a load of sleeping tablets that I was going to overdose on.
I don't know where I would be if I hadn't found this forum. I definitely want to rebuild my life. I want to be the best person I can from now on. A kind and loving person. Someone that is motivated and can enjoy life and enjoy healthy relationships with others. I want to be there for my girlfriend and look after her.
I know we are both good for each other and make each other really happy. It will be hard but I hope I get there I hope we all get there. Its amazing how many lifes porn destroys. Clips4Souls , Oct 25, This is for a couple of reasons. In the first place, overdoses are a horrible way to go. It's basically death by puking you don't get to sleep through that stuff.
From the perspective of rebooting, owning a stash of pills is the same as a stash of porn. It will slow your progress, because you will know that you have something to fall back on and so everything you do will be half hearted.
Also, flushing them will feel like taking control. The first steps to a new you! My brother suffered depression. Of all the stuff he tried, cognitive therapy was best. I highly recommend you talk about this to your health team, if you haven't all ready. I also recommend finding a group somewhere that can teach meditation. I know people are trying to learn from YouTube, but nothing beats sitting with other people and actually talking about your progress and barriers.
Beyond that, I want you to understand that things like happiness and charisma are basically learned skills. Over time, and with professional support, you will turn things around. I'm not trying to make unrealistic promises, but I'm saying that if you face up to your fears and also get busy doing new things you will, over time, start to feel less bleak. At some point you will feel happy enough that you won't want to hide from the world in porn.
Try to be as active as you can. Try to face your fears head on. It's not going to be easy, and it won't be quick, but trust me, it's better than the alternatives. Wabi-sabi , Oct 26, Thanks again Wabi-sabi I'm going to take your advice and flush them. This isn't worth taking my life over. I feel that each passing day I am getting a bit better. Even went out with a group of friends last night and had a good time. The thoughts were still lingering in the background but weren't as intense. I have suffered from bouts of depression throughout most of my life.
Maybe in some weird messed up way this event will be the catalyst for me to get the help I always needed. And you're right about the meditation. I am going to look up local meditation classes that I can join.
I have a gym membership that I hardly ever use. Will start to use the gym and get myself active and motivated. Thanks for your support and advice. TryingToGetBetter , Oct 27, That's a relief - we're all in this together, and your success is mine and vice versa. Cheating with a girl my wife hates mf self. From porn to "trainers" to bath-house TS event? And then a bit more Make a story self. My 16 year old experience that I still masturbate to self. First time with a TS woman self.
First of Many self. My first time with a t-girl self. First Time TS Experience self. This sub will grow! My First time with a Trans girl self. Someone's got to start this sub self.... It even requires the right body temperature - AIDS is no where near as easy to contract as its reputation implies. Receptive and penetrative anal and oral. I suspect other platforms exist for. Captivating, intriguing, mischievous and very perverse. But it will pass! Yes, all things combined, the risk is very low.